Popular Episodes

  1. 2:26
    Song Deemed Good Enough To Put Girlfriend On Shoulders [2:26]
  2. 2:22
    Man Wearing M&M Jacket Apparently Made In God's Image [2:22]
  3. 2:25
    Housefly Drops Everything To Go Stand On Watermelon Slice [2:25]
  1. 1:48
    Weak-Willed Termite Eats Whole Log In One Sitting [1:48]
  2. 2:42
    Grandpa Looking Absolutely Precious In New Baseball Cap [2:42]
  3. 2:34
    Mom $15,000 In The Hole With Ceramic Frog Dealer [2:34]
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Episodes

  1. 2:36
    Rand Paul Pretends To Sleep So Dad Will Carry Him In From Car [2:36]
  2. 2:26
    Song Deemed Good Enough To Put Girlfriend On Shoulders [2:26]
  3. 2:13
    Rescue Dog Adopted For Couple Weeks [2:13]
  4. 2:22
    Man Wearing M&M Jacket Apparently Made In God's Image [2:22]
  1. 2:29
    Cannibal Corpse Blasting From Papal Apartment Window [2:29]
  2. 2:25
    Housefly Drops Everything To Go Stand On Watermelon Slice [2:25]
  3. 2:26
    Mom’s Bathing Suit Just One Giant, Body-Eclipsing Ruffle [2:26]
  4. 1:48
    Weak-Willed Termite Eats Whole Log In One Sitting [1:48]
  1. 2:34
    Asexually Reproduced Sea Sponge Worried She’s Turning Into Herself [2:34]
  2. 2:22
    Sex Toy Discreetly Shipped In Plain Dildo-Shaped Box [2:22]
  3. 2:42
    Grandpa Looking Absolutely Precious In New Baseball Cap [2:42]
  4. 2:34
    Mom $15,000 In The Hole With Ceramic Frog Dealer [2:34]
  1. 2:32
    Birthday Wish Wasted On Trying To Bring Dad Back [2:32]
  2. 2:09
    Pigeon Wishes Just Once It Could Complete Head Movement Smoothly [2:09]
  3. 2:12
    God’s Will Only Thing Keeping AC Unit In Window [2:12]
  4. 2:25
    Parents At Graduation Celebrate Child’s Last Accomplishment [2:25]
  1. 2:06
    Nation's Depressed March On Atlantic Ocean [2:06]
  2. 2:16
    Bag Of Flour Has Slave Auction On Front [2:16]
  3. 2:18
    Extravagant New Window Blinds Inspired By The Latest Styles From Venice [2:18]
  4. 2:23
    Bodybuilder's Veins Now Outside Of His Skin [2:23]
  1. 3:01
    Picasso’s ‘Guernica’ Triples In Value After Being Autographed By The 1994 New York Rangers [3:01]
  2. 2:18
    Local TCBY Has Missed Past 2 Logo Changes [2:18]
  3. 2:28
    Xylophonist Shredding It [2:28]
  4. 1:59
    Smooth Operator Also Forklift Operator [1:59]
  1. 2:19
    Fully Gentrified Neighborhood All Cheese Shops [2:19]
  2. 2:26
    Lowly Mortal Opens Portal To Hell [2:26]
  3. 2:45
    Sexual Predator Gets Tenure [2:45]
  4. 2:50
    Dog Held Against Will Inside Skype Window [2:50]
  1. 3:14
    Empire State Building Reopens Spire To Visitors [3:14]
  2. 3:06
    Self-Conscious Flasher Fully Clothed Under Trench Coat [3:06]
  3. 3:17
    Keyboard’s Second Row A Veritable Who’s Who Of Special Punctuation Characters [3:17]
  4. 3:03
    Fun Sticker Placed On Child's Ventilator [3:03]
  1. 2:56
    New Program Provides Depressed Americans With Suicide Assistance Dogs [2:56]
  2. 2:43
    Lunchbox Mostly Medication [2:43]
  3. 2:48
    Hypochondriac Maple Tree Always Convinced It Has Asian Longhorn Beetles [2:48]
  4. 2:10
    Blanket Of Snow Creates Illusion That Town Not A Total Shithole [2:10]
  1. 3:35
    Onion Year In Review [3:35]
  2. 2:48
    8th Grader Caked In Makeup Probably Really Confident [2:48]
  3. 2:43
    U.S. Continues Dependence On Foreign Toil [2:43]
  4. 2:46
    Jack Palance Still Dead At 87 [2:46]
  1. 2:53
    Woman Unaware She's Only Person On Acid At James Taylor Concert [2:53]
  2. 2:55
    Mom’s Head Rotates Demonically After Passing Sign For Antique Wicker Furniture [2:55]
  3. 2:49
    Vegetarian Option Just Iceberg Lettuce On Bread [2:49]
  4. 2:25
    Johnson & Johnson Introduces New Leave-In Q-Tips [2:25]
  1. 3:07
    Airline Pilot Begins Initial Descent Into Madness [3:07]
  2. 2:44
    Space Under Boardroom Table A Complex Web Of Feet Massaging Various Genitals [2:44]
  3. 2:43
    Insecure Man Pretending To Be Someone He's Not [2:43]
  4. 2:32
    Unclear If Fountain Is The Type You're Allowed To Run Around In [2:32]
  1. 2:26
    Stop Sign Taking Forever To Change [2:26]
  2. 2:43
    Sleeping Middle-Aged Businessman In Airport Suddenly So Childlike, So Vulnerable [2:43]
  3. 2:43
    Courtroom Artist Clearly Infatuated With Bailiff [2:43]
  4. 2:42
    $80,000 Wedding Beautiful [2:42]
  1. 2:27
    Dog Unaware It Isn't Starving [2:27]
  2. 3:02
    Area Man Too Poor To Afford Movers, Too Old To Get Help From His Friends [3:02]
  3. 3:21
    Area Desk Doesn't Mind If People Sit On It Like A Chair Every Once In Awhile [3:21]
  4. 2:33
    Perfectly Shitty Couch Sitting On Curb [2:33]
  1. 2:52
    Serious Coworker Puts Headphones On To Focus On Sandwich [2:52]
  2. 2:28
    New Tandem Mobility Scooter Released [2:28]
  3. 2:31
    8-Year-Old Boy Surprises Marine Dad During Firefight In Afghanistan [2:31]
  4. 2:23
    Milk Rushing Through Jug Handle Having The Time Of Its Life [2:23]
  1. 2:29
    Single Woman Has Facebook Profile Picture With Sister [2:29]
  2. 2:22
    Couple Keeps Marriage Together For The Sake Of No One [2:22]
  3. 2:30
    Lifeguard Hoping To Make Up For Last Summer [2:30]
  4. 2:19
    Desperate Earth Begins Accelerating Rotation In Effort To Hurl Humankind Off Surface [2:19]
  1. 2:52
    Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy [2:52]
  2. 2:26
    Possum Gazes Longingly At Family Walking Dog [2:26]
  3. 3:02
    Seedless Watermelon Coming To Grips With Fact It’ll Never Be Able To Have Kids [3:02]
  4. 2:19
    Middle-Aged Funeral Director Buys Flashy Red Hearse [2:19]
  1. 2:42
    Catholic Teen's Life Ends At Conception [2:42]
  2. 3:05
    Brad Pitt Decides To Grow Out Forehead Hair [3:05]
  3. 2:42
    Businessman Does His Work Lying On Bed Like Schoolgirl [2:42]
  4. 2:44
    Bengal Tigers’ Habitat Down To Studio Apartment In Jaipur, India [2:44]
  1. 2:19
    NASA Designers Release Flirty New Space Skirt [2:19]
  2. 2:21
    Andrea Bocelli Smelling The Shit Out Of Red Rose [2:21]
  3. 2:26
    Retiring Pope Half-Heartedly Suggests Grabbing Lunch Sometime With God [2:26]
  4. 2:30
    Middle-Aged Banana Panics Upon Finding First Brown Spot [2:30]
  1. 2:52
    Flock Of Suicidal Geese Drinking Up The Courage To Down Jetliner [2:52]
  2. 3:06
    SeaWorld Unveils New 20 Whales Stuffed In Pool Show [3:06]
  3. 2:36
    Local Burger Feels Especially Disgusting Today [2:36]
  4. 2:45
    Study Exposes Risks Of Conducting Research While Driving [2:45]
  1. 3:09
    Diane Sawyer Introduces New Foul-Mouthed, Cigar-Chomping Character To 'ABC World News' [3:09]
  2. 2:53
    Only Difficult Pistachios Left In Bag [2:53]
  3. 2:42
    Annual Teeth Cleaning Reveals Three Previously Unnoticed Rows Of Teeth [2:42]
  4. 3:36
    Year In Review: 2012 [3:36]
  1. 3:14
    McDonald's Prints Calorie Count Right Onto Meat [3:14]
  2. 2:15
    Oscar Mayer Unveils New Weiner Drone [2:15]
  3. 2:56
    Romney Locks Self In Oval Office During White House Visit [2:56]
  4. 2:52
    Obama: 'I Will Allow 10 States To Secede, But No More' [2:52]
  1. 2:39
    Nation Elects Four Years Of Political Gridlock [2:39]
  2. 2:40
    Bored U.S. Postmaster General Creates Beard Of Stamps During Meeting [2:40]
  3. 4:20
    Kangaroo Decides He'll Get There Faster By Just Running [4:20]
  4. 2:31
    Outfit Just Screams 'Police Officer' [2:31]
  1. 3:09
    No Way Old Man In Park Not Thinking About Dead Wife [3:09]
  2. 3:26
    Teacher Hoping Students Can Tell He Was Once Popular [3:26]
  3. 2:31
    Botanists Discover Trees Are All Slowly Trying To Strangle Each Other [2:31]
  4. 3:10
    Area Man Can't Imagine Life Without This Woman [3:10]
  1. 3:28
    Area Man Crawling On Ground Like Pig To Plug Macbook Power Cord Behind Desk [3:28]
  2. 3:04
    Woman Knew Ever Since Age 40 She Didn't Want Children [3:04]
  3. 3:13
    New Sympathetic Alarm Clock Just Lets You Sleep [3:13]
  4. 2:55
    Nation's Women Not As Crazy About Bryan Gosling [2:55]
  1. 3:12
    Obama Up Early Cooking Breakfast In One Of Michelle's Extra Long T-Shirts [3:12]
  2. 2:36
    Sears Extremists Fly Plane Into Willis Tower [2:36]
  3. 3:13
    Fucking Oasis To Probably Be Worked Into Olympics Opening Ceremony [3:13]
  4. 2:42
    Martin Luther King Bust First Thing To Go, Romney Advisor Quietly Thinking [2:42]
  1. 3:02
    Captain Actual America Overweight, Hopelessly In Debt [3:02]
  2. 2:33
    Obama Slips 'Hope' Into Speech For The Fans [2:33]
  3. 2:55
    Romney Wears Anti-Bacterial Yellow Gloves While Greeting Rust Belt Americans [2:55]
  4. 2:44
    Group Of Hunky Cardinals Appeals To Pope To Relax Celibacy Requirement [2:44]
  1. 2:51
    Earthquake Late-Warning System Goes Off In Haiti [2:51]
  2. 2:34
    Man Approaching Attractive Woman Fails To Notice Chelsea Handler Book Until It's Too Late [2:34]
  3. 2:40
    Romney To Undergo Gender Reassignment Surgery To Better Connect With Women Voters [2:40]
  4. 2:34
    Dying Chevron Executive Excited To One Day Become Oil [2:34]
  1. 2:36
    Santorum Now Viciously Condemning Homosexuals, Minorities, Women For $100,000 Speaking Fee [2:36]
  2. 2:33
    Prince William, Kate Middleton Celebrate One-Year Anniversary By Forcing Humiliated Servants To Disrobe, Kiss Each Other [2:33]
  3. Report: Typical City Bus Contains No Fewer Than Four Erections At Any Given Time
  4. 2:34
    Eric Cantor Tossed By Bucking Mitch McConnell During Congressional Rodeo [2:34]
  1. 2:16
    Man With Nice Eyes Blown [2:16]
  2. 2:30
    Purity Of War Marred By One Bad Apple In Afghanistan [2:30]
  3. 2:28
    Sale Of BET To White Supremacist Group Results In No Changes To Programming [2:28]
  4. 2:32
    Embarrassing Bounced Check From Greece Taped Up In IMF Headquarters [2:32]
  1. 2:22
    World's Youngest Person Born [2:22]
  2. 2:30
    Facebook To Permit Users To Change Privacy Settings Only If They Guess Word Contained In Locket Worn By Mark Zuckerberg [2:30]
  3. 2:44
    Obama Urges Citizens To Hide Evidence Of Our Formerly Prosperous Lives From Nation's Young Children [2:44]
  4. 3:10
    Poll Reveals GOP Nomination Now Two-Way Race Between Mitt Romney, Total Voter Apathy [3:10]
  1. 3:30
    Embarrassed Steven Chu Accidentally Calls Barack Obama ‘Dad’ In Cabinet Meeting [3:30]
  2. 3:00
    Black Conservatives Support Candidate Whose Religion Believes Black People Bear Mark Of Cain [3:00]
  3. 2:30
    Minnesota Braces For Return Of Bachmann's Full Attention  [2:30]
  4. 2:28
    Feds Break Up Brutal Las Vegas Man-Fighting Ring [2:28]
  1. 3:28
    Study: 96 Percent Of Humans Would Rather Be Animatronic Bear - Year In Review [3:28]
  2. 2:43
    Report: Nobody's Heard From David Blaine In A While, Somebody Should Probably Check If He Died In One Of Those Things [2:43]
  3. 2:41
    Doofus Chilean Miner Stuck Down There Again [2:41]
  4. 2:53
    Report: Some Sick Fuck Out There Now Supporting Herman Cain Because Of Sexual Assault Allegations [2:53]
  1. 2:47
    Latest GOP Debate Concludes With Candidates Wrestling Squealing Pig To Ground And Slaughtering It [2:47]
  2. 2:26
    Facebook Increases User Control With New 'Cancel Account' Feature [2:26]
  3. 2:03
    Department Of Treasury Releases New Monsters Of The Silver Screen 20 Dollar Bill [2:03]
  4. 2:22
    Something Sliding Around In Coffin [2:22]
  1. 2:20
    Hollywood Announces Plan To Remake Jimmy Stewart [2:20]
  2. 2:08
    Last Bastion Of U.S. Economy Succumbs To Pancreatic Cancer [2:08]
  3. 2:37
    Father Who Messed Up Visitation Schedule Consumes Entire Dora The Explorer Birthday Cake [2:37]
  4. 2:39
    Public Bathroom's Condition Encapsulates Why World's Problems Are Unfixable [2:39]
  1. 2:29
    Breaking: Dow Futures Plunge On News That Bill Loughlin Has Entered Sears Express Checkout Line [2:29]
  2. 2:29
    Remembering 9/11 A Pleasure For Nation Compared To Remembering Past 10 Years [2:29]
  3. 2:28
    All Financial Experts Urge Americans To Invest Money In Print Media Immediately [2:28]
  4. 2:18
    Steve Jobs Resigns After Realizing Technology Has Gone As Far As It Can [2:18]
  1. 2:06
    FBI Uncovers Largest Credit Card Scam In History After Raiding Visa Headquarters [2:06]
  2. 1:39
    GOP Supports Obama For 2012: 'We Need More Time To Completely Ruin His Life' [1:39]
  3. 1:53
    Obama: Debt Ceiling Deal A Prime Example Of Democrats And Democrats Sacrificing For The Greater Good [1:53]
  4. 1:54
    Amy Winehouse’s Grammys Returned By London Pawn Shop Out Of Respect For Deceased [1:54]
  1. 1:56
    Ruin The Economy Or Not? Congress Still Unable To Decide [1:56]
  2. Pope Supports Gay Marriage After Meeting Charming Connecticut Couple
  3. 1:28
    Rod Stewart Easily Passes For An Elderly Aunt [1:28]
  4. 1:23
    Mr. Met Takes Out Frustration On Fans At Citi Field [1:23]
  1. 1:39
    Lazy, Illiterate Pulitzer Board Should At Least Be Able To Watch This Fucking Video Recap [1:39]
  2. 1:37
    Cash-Strapped PBS Releases Nova Special On Physics Behind Rhythmically Bouncing Breasts [1:37]
  3. 1:58
    Update: Obama Yet Again Refrains From Obliterating Human Race [1:58]
  4. 1:53
    Other Guy Named Osama Bin Laden Can Finally Relax [1:53]
  1. 1:50
    Donald Trump Under Pressure To Prove He's Not A Pathetic Sack Of Human Scum [1:50]
  2. 1:49
    268 Feral Cats Removed From U.N. Headquarters [1:49]
  3. 2:43
    The Onion Review: Congress Cuts Its Step-Son's Funding [2:43]
  4. 2:49
    The Onion Review: Obama Casts National Musical [2:49]
  1. 1:23
    Introducing The Onion Review, The Most Vital Recap In The History Of News [1:23]
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