1. The Onion

    Onion Special Report

    No shift in the American political or cultural landscape can escape the all-probing lens of the Onion Special Report.

Popular Episodes

  1. 1:18
    Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise [1:18]
  2. 1:03
    Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats [1:03]
  3. 1:27
    Report: Many Companies Now Offering Women Permanent, Unpaid Maternity Leave [1:27]
  1. 1:49
    Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired [1:49]
  2. 1:17
    Child Development Experts Say Boys Not Fully Mature Until Avenging Father’s Murder [1:17]
  3. 1:11
    Salt Lake City Hoping To Boost Tourism By Reminding Visitors They’re Free To Leave At Any Time [1:11]
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Episodes

  1. 1:18
    Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise [1:18]
  2. 1:03
    Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats [1:03]
  3. 1:27
    Report: Many Companies Now Offering Women Permanent, Unpaid Maternity Leave [1:27]
  4. 1:49
    Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired [1:49]
  1. 1:17
    Child Development Experts Say Boys Not Fully Mature Until Avenging Father’s Murder [1:17]
  2. 1:11
    Salt Lake City Hoping To Boost Tourism By Reminding Visitors They’re Free To Leave At Any Time [1:11]
  3. 1:40
    Maybelline Introduces New Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask To Use In Place Of Makeup [1:40]
  4. 1:44
    Doctors Say Average Heart Attack Victim Doesn’t Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough [1:44]
  1. 1:39
    Report: 76% Of Sleepaway Campers’ Parents Beginning Trial Separation [1:39]
  2. 1:30
    This Minnesota State Museum’s Final Offer To Owner Of Couch From ‘Mary Tyler Moore’ Set [1:30]
  3. 2:02
    Last-Ditch Dating Website Simply Asks Users To Check ‘Yes’ If They Have Open Sores [2:02]
  4. 1:43
    Report: Average Male 4,000% Less Effective In Fights Than They Imagine [1:43]
  1. 1:18
    Nation’s Blakes Cruise Easily Through Lifeguard Tryouts [1:18]
  2. 1:47
    New PS4 Feature Allows User To Close Eyes And Imagine Really Fun Game [1:47]
  3. 2:12
    Bounty Launches Beginner Series For People New To Paper Towels [2:12]
  4. 1:57
    Survey: Most Common Deathbed Regret Never Spraying Fire Extinguisher [1:57]
  1. 1:07
    Christ, Article A Video [1:07]
  2. 1:13
    High School Student, Teacher Applying For Same Summer Waitressing Job [1:13]
  3. 2:02
    Study: Most Serial Killers Did Not Receive Toy Every Time They Went To Store As Kids [2:02]
  4. 2:11
    Kay Jewelers Recalls 2 Million Cursed Wedding Rings [2:11]
  1. 1:16
    Small Business Still Manages To Mistreat Workers Like Large Corporate Chain [1:16]
  2. 1:22
    Horrifying Video Showing How Meat Products Are Eaten [1:22]
  3. 1:23
    Doctor Recalls Average-Looking Sibling Who Inspired Him To Go Into Cosmetic Surgery [1:23]
  4. 1:30
    Couple Keeps It Interesting By Bickering In Different Positions, Rooms [1:30]
  1. 1:11
    Study Finds Earth Located In Lamest Part Of Universe [1:11]
  2. 1:46
    Devastated Family Struggling To Cope After Losing Everything On DVR [1:46]
  3. 1:20
    Report: 95% Of Grandfathers Got Job By Walking Right Up And Just Asking [1:20]
  4. 1:58
    Study: Slapping Everyone In Grocery Store, Exposing Yourself In Produce Section Still Frowned Upon By Society [1:58]
  1. 1:39
    Scientists Confirm Statues Humans’ Closest Nonliving Relative [1:39]
  2. 1:56
    Parents Urge Son To Invest In Improv Comedy Education [1:56]
  3. 1:04
    12-Year-Old Couldn’t Begin To Guess Name Of Friend Whose House He Visits To Play Xbox [1:04]
  4. 1:24
    Report: Local Gas Station Wouldn’t Be That Hard To Rob [1:24]
  1. 1:49
    Open Relationship Gives Couple Freedom To Emotionally Drain Other People From Time To Time [1:49]
  2. 1:24
    Middle-Aged Waiter Sadly Not Involved In Any Creative Endeavor [1:24]
  3. 1:31
    Report: Rising Number Of Weak, Emasculated Men Working As Stay-At-Home Dads [1:31]
  4. 1:01
    Man Moving To New City Never Took Time To Truly Loathe Surroundings [1:01]
  1. 1:48
    Nation Terrified After Millions Lose Consciousness For 8 Whole Hours Last Night [1:48]
  2. 1:16
    Increasingly Worried Man Hasn't Yet Come Across Any Guacamole In Burrito [1:16]
  3. 1:42
    Nation’s Lunatics Lament Rising Cost Of Car Meat [1:42]
  4. 1:04
    Laid-Off Man Finally Achieves Perfect Work-Life Balance [1:04]
  1. 1:24
    Woman Confusingly Tells Area Man She’s Not Interested In Him [1:24]
  2. 1:07
    ‘And Yet, Is Not Beef Itself An Expression Of Wanton Lust?’ Bizarre New McDonald’s Ad Asks [1:07]
  3. 1:27
    Slow-Witted Conspiracy Theorist Convinced Government Behind NASA [1:27]
  4. 1:14
    Man Doesn’t Know How Parents Ever Going To Pay Off Massive Student Loan Debt [1:14]
  1. 5:00
    Excerpt From Buddhist Extremist Video Threat [5:00]
  2. 1:40
    Area Man Lacks Star Power Necessary To Carry Major Motion Picture [1:40]
  3. 1:28
    Report: American People Lead World In Compressing Big Sandwiches So They’re Bitable [1:28]
  4. 1:18
    Grievances Brought Up With Powerless Supervisor [1:18]
  1. 1:45
    Centers For Disease Contraction Urges Americans To Suck Doorknob [1:45]
  2. 1:19
    CEO Worked Way Up From Son Of CEO [1:19]
  3. 5:07
    Child Sees No Reason Why Iron Man Costume Can't Be Worn To Grandfather’s Funeral [5:07]
  4. 1:23
    Chipmunk’s Plan For Future Better Crafted Than That Of 8 Out Of 10 Americans [1:23]
  1. 2:01
    Hostages Freed After Tense 7-Minute Standup Set [2:01]
  2. 1:23
    Man Who Has Something Seriously Wrong With Him On A Fundamental Level Leaves That Part Off OKCupid Profile [1:23]
  3. 1:06
    Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied [1:06]
  4. 1:08
    College Freshman Honors Dead Roommate’s Memory By Solemnly Eating All His Food [1:08]
  1. 1:44
    Study: Average Person Becomes Unhinged Psychotic When Alone In Own House [1:44]
  2. 1:26
    CEO Has Special Knack For Recognizing Great Ideas And Ruining Them [1:26]
  3. 1:52
    Study: Majority Of Children Lack Strong Male Supermodels [1:52]
  4. 2:14
    Nation Just Wants To Be Safe, Happy, Rich, Comfortable, Entertained At All Times  [2:14]
  1. 1:38
    Economists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year [1:38]
  2. 1:06
    FBI Offering $1 Million Reward For Any Information On Cheetahs [1:06]
  3. 2:03
    Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite [2:03]
  4. 1:27
    Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought [1:27]
  1. 1:24
    'I Would Be Absolutely Perfect For This,' Report 1,400 People Looking At Same Job Posting [1:24]
  2. 1:36
    Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar [1:36]
  3. 1:21
    Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed [1:21]
  4. 1:58
    Guy 30 Seconds Into Karaoke Version Of ‘Man In The Mirror’ Better Get His Act Together [1:58]
  1. 1:33
    Guy Wondering How Much Longer To Keep Picture Of Dead Friend As Profile Pic [1:33]
  2. 1:29
    Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard [1:29]
  3. 1:16
    Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome [1:16]
  4. 1:09
    Mentally Unstable Man To Exhibit 1 Or 2 More Warning Signs Before Finally Doing This [1:09]
  1. 1:29
    Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing [1:29]
  2. 1:35
    Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year [1:35]
  3. 1:44
    Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out [1:44]
  4. 1:01
    Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M. [1:01]
  1. 1:45
    There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop [1:45]
  2. 1:17
    Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive [1:17]
  3. 1:12
    Excited Man Only 2 Therapy Sessions Away From Resolving Issues [1:12]
  4. 1:21
    Couple Making Out At Bus Stop Like It's Fucking Paris  [1:21]
  1. 1:13
    Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression [1:13]
  2. 1:07
    Ashamed Student Affairs Committee Reveals There Aren’t Any Awesome Events Happening On Campus This Weekend [1:07]
  3. 1:23
    Guy With 10,000 Tweets, 15 Followers About Ready To Hang It Up [1:23]
  4. 1:24
    Area Woman Thinks All Of Her Friends Should Be Comedians [1:24]
  1. 1:15
    Man With Strong Brand Loyalty Willing To Kill For Mazda [1:15]
  2. 1:21
    Authorities On Alert As Hundreds Of Crazed Sociopaths Enter Congressional Chambers [1:21]
  3. 5:07
    Video Of Man Weeping Becomes Viral Hit [5:07]
  4. 1:44
    Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing 'B.A. In Communications' On Résumé [1:44]
  1. 1:19
    The Gunman Tragedy: A Recap Of The Onion’s Coverage [1:19]
  2. 1:10
    Man Not Sure He’s Dynamic Enough To Work At Local Marketing Firm [1:10]
  3. 1:12
    Netflix Sends Message To Check If Area Man Okay After Watching Entire Season Of ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ In Single Sitting [1:12]
  4. 1:26
    Nostalgic Warden Has Seen 3 Generations Of Family Come Through Prison [1:26]
  1. 1:54
    Bob Dylan Lays Off 2,000 Workers From Songwriting Factory [1:54]
  2. 1:10
    Area Man Panics After Accidentally 'Liking' 381 Of His Ex-Girlfriend’s Facebook Photos [1:10]
  3. 1:38
    Man Didn't Expect Sex With Prostitute Would Be So Emotionally Fulfilling [1:38]
  4. 1:18
    Devoted Abuser Stops By Girlfriend's Office To Deliver Surprise Threat  [1:18]
  1. 5:06
    'The State Of The Union Is Strong,' Says Man Responsible For Shielding Nation From Truth  [5:06]
  2. 1:23
    New Sony Nose Buds Allow Users To Blast Different Smells Into Nostrils [1:23]
  3. 1:33
    PR Firm Advises U.S. To Cut Ties With Alabama [1:33]
  4. 5:07
    Report: Peanut Butter Contains Traces Of Rat Feces But Life's Weird Like That Sometimes [5:07]
  1. 1:25
    Smitten Man Can't Believe Woman He's On Date With Also Into The Beatles [1:25]
  2. 1:29
    Department Of Interior Bilked Out Of $18 Million In Funding By Con Gopher [1:29]
  3. 1:07
    And Nation Has To Go Through It All Again Tomorrow [1:07]
  4. 1:17
    Frustrated Inner-City Students Running Out Of Ideas To Motivate Teachers [1:17]
  1. 1:01
    Roommate Food Pyramid Updated To Include 4 Servings Of Someone Else's Grains, Cereals Per Day  [1:01]
  2. 1:32
    NASA Continues Search For Planet Capable Of Supporting NASA  [1:32]
  3. 1:26
    College Freshman's Roommate Has Had Excuse To Go Home Every Weekend Since August [1:26]
  4. 1:51
    Osama Bin Laden Foundation Awards Fellowships To 20 Promising Young Terrorists [1:51]
  1. 1:18
    Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife [1:18]
  2. 1:37
    Investigation Finds Appalling Conditions In 'Cosmopolitan' Magazine Male-Pleasure Laboratory [1:37]
  3. 1:05
    Man Has Alarming Level Of Pride In Institution That Left Him $50,000 In Debt, Inadequately Prepared For Job Market [1:05]
  4. 1:01
    Mother Who Forgot To Pay 29-Year-Old Son's Phone Bill Reminded To Really Be Careful About That [1:01]
  1. 1:41
    Fugitive Doctor Accuses Devlin MacGregor Of Fraud [1:41]
  2. 1:11
    Rare Pornographic Movie Shot At Vatican For First Time Since 1982's 'Pope Fisters IV' [1:11]
  3. 1:11
    Man Has Such Good Friends They’ll Let Him Drink Himself To Death Right Before Their Eyes [1:11]
  4. 1:11
    Kidnappers' Demands Only Make Sense Given Economy  [1:11]
  1. 1:11
    38-Year-Old Little Boy Posts Picture Of Fast Car He Likes To Facebook [1:11]
  2. 5:01
    Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games [5:01]
  3. 1:12
    Congress Arrested On Manslaughter Charges [1:12]
  4. 1:09
    Dept. Of Interior Releases New Stick [1:09]
  1. 1:03
    VIDEO: High School For The Performing Arts Student Goes In Depth About Really Weird Peer Pressure [1:03]
  2. 1:08
    New Al-Qaeda Recruit Sick Of Hearing Senior Terrorists Brag About 9/11 Attacks [1:08]
  3. 1:22
    Poor Bastard Who Just Started Watching Lost In For World Of Disappointment [1:22]
  4. 1:23
    John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John Christmas Album Plunges Nation Into Double-Dip Recession [1:23]
  1. 2:11
    Mitt Romney Terrified What Will Happen If He Ever Stops Running For President [2:11]
  2. 2:04
    Paramedics Rush To Revive God Following Latest Suicide Attempt [2:04]
  3. 2:40
    Study: Human Imagination Capable Of Magnificent Things During Masturbation [2:40]
  4. 1:52
    Guy On Intense Cell Phone Call Walking Up And Down Block For Past 45 Minutes [1:52]
  1. 2:16
    Scientology Minister Accused Of Molesting Thetans [2:16]
  2. 3:05
    Florida To Experiment With New 600-Lever Voting Machines [3:05]
  3. 1:49
    Personal Trainer Making Area Man Put On Humiliating Little Show For Entire Gym [1:49]
  4. 2:32
    Joe Biden Hitchhikes To Democratic National Convention [2:32]
  1. 2:01
    Evangelical Hospital Holds 5th Annual Gayness Cure Walk [2:01]
  2. 1:55
    Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today [1:55]
  3. 1:36
    Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping [1:36]
  4. 2:04
    Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities [2:04]
  1. 3:11
    Blood-Drenched, Berserk CEO Demands More Web Videos [3:11]
  2. 2:02
    VIDEO: Middle-Aged Woman Angrily Demanding Price Check On Rice Pudding Was Once Carefree Youth, Onlookers Speculate [2:02]
  3. 2:45
    Nude Man Who Locked Self Out Of House Delivers Moving Treatise On Human Condition To Slowly Gathering Crowd [2:45]
  4. 1:44
    Shadows Meet The Clouds, Gray On Gray, Like Dusty Charcoal On An Ashen Brow, Nation's Poets Report [1:44]
  1. 1:57
    Quiet Temp Actually Very Untalented Singer-Songwriter [1:57]
  2. 5:05
    Gay 12-Year-Old: 'I Like Eating Lunch Here By Myself' [5:05]
  3. 1:59
    Grover Norquist: 'I Engaged In A Week-Long Drug-Fueled Orgy With Corporate Income Taxes' [1:59]
  4. 1:32
    Classmates Respond To Jessica Milly’s Decision To Put Out [1:32]
  1. 1:10
    Indianapolis' 2020 Olympic Bid Video: "Our Time To Shine" [1:10]
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