1. Tea Party Quiet... Too Quiet
  2. Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early
  3. Romney Now Flaunting His Wealth To Impress Voters
  4. Nation's Roommates Debut New TV Spot Insisting 'Elections Are Bullshit'
  5. The Onion's Swing State Analysis: Ohio
  6. Hot New App From The GOP Modernizes Minority Voter Suppression
  7. Precocious Youngster Sells Cookies To Buy Attack Ad
  8. The Onion Voter's Guide To Barack Obama
  9. Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage For Two-Timing Jerks Like Nick
  10. Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary
  11. Romney To Travel Back In Time To Kill Liberal Versions Of Himself
  12. Romney Courts Hispanic Vote With Animated Sombrero-Wearing Parrot
  13. Democrats: Obama Has Dicked Us Around For Four Years, Now It's Our Turn
  14. Mysterious Traveler Entrances Town With Utopian Vision Of The Future
  15. 'No Values Voters' Looking To Support Most Evil Candidate
  16. Obama Replaces Costly High-Speed Rail Plan With High-Speed Bus Plan
  17. Obama Promises To Stop America's Shitty Jobs From Going Overseas
  18. Latest Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election
  19. Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain
  20. Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are
  21. Romney's Terrifying Google Search History Leaked
  22. ONN's Presidential Debate Gives Average Americans Totally Unsupervised Airtime
  23. Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook
  24. GOP Trying To Keep Elderly Voting Base Alive Until November
  25. Obama Starring In New Judd Apatow Comedy To Appeal To Younger Voters
  26. The Onion Voter's Guide To Mitt Romney
  27. After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016
  28. Biden Invites Nation's Women To Tax Code Discussion At Private Mountain Chalet
  29. How To Avoid Unbearable Facebook Bullshit On Election Day
  30. Tampa Bay Gay Prostitutes Gearing Up For Flood Of Closeted Republicans
  31. Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President
  32. Paul Ryan Spending Final Day Of Campaign Reminding Homeless People They Did This To Themselves
  33. Critics Slam Obama For "Just Standing There" During Photo Op
  34. The Onion's Swing State Analysis: Florida
  35. As Obese Population Rises, More Candidates Courting The Fat Vote
  36. Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate May Steal Support From McCain
  37. America's Roommates Launch 'One Vote Doesn't Matter' Campaign
  38. Reporters Struggling To Maintain Energy Until Election
  39. Romney Wins, Obama Reelected, Supernova Destroys Earth All Possibilities In A Random Universe
  40. PREVIEW: Take An Exclusive Glimpse At The New Hyper-Violent Voting Booths
  41. New High Tech Voting Machine Lets Voters Mutilate Candidate They Oppose
  42. Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans
  43. Gunman Kills 15 Potential Voters In Crucial Swing State
  44. Obama Undertakes Presidential Internship To Ease Concerns About His Lack Of Experience
  45. Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone
  46. NewsBlitz: Senate Session Interrupted By Wailing Of Ted Kennedy's Ghost
  47. McCain’s Economic Plan For Nation: 'Everyone Marry A Beer Heiress'
  48. John McCain Accidentally Left On Campaign Bus Overnight
  49. Cindy McCain Claims She’s ‘Just Like Any Other Female Human’
  50. 'Please Don't Let Me Die In Here' Begs Voter In Cutting Edge Debate Booth
  51. Introducing The Onion's 2012 Election Coverage
  52. Ron Paul Makes Campaign Stop In Whimsical Jalopy